BOLDLY GOING NOWHERE.

Requiescat in Pace, John Lennon

2010-10-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

Condomnation...yet again.

2010-09-10T16:26:00.001-07:00

Well, we've got a new artist, Say hi to Alyssa Edgett, everyone!

Comic Three: Painful Insight

2010-07-25T17:53:00.001-07:00

New Art!

Ok, i know i said i'd update every other day, but to be honest i had some trouble sorting the art. i tried going with a tablet, but they just weren't working for me. so i decided to go back to the mouse method...hope you like!

Comic 2: Anthem of the Disillusioned

2010-04-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

i don't know why but joe biden moshing just cracks me the hell up, i dont even really know why...

anyway look! a comic!

Comic 1: Condomnation.

2010-04-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

hey kids, we be back. we'll attempt to update at least three times a week for you. probably around monday, wednesday and friday. well enjoy the comic.

and for those of you wondering? yes, this strip is based on a true story...

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T12:56:00.000-07:00

An announcement.

2010-03-28T21:27:00.001-07:00

That is all.

2009-11-15T18:36:00.000-08:00

sorry for the lateness of this update, ODST took all my free time, my bad.

2009-11-10T07:17:00.000-08:00

i would have posted a script for this comic, but midnight last night was the release party for Modern Warfare 2, see the trailer on youtube if you havent already. I'll write one tonight to properly begin this story. now i'm off to work, bye.

Healthcare rant...OMG!

2009-08-30T07:19:00.000-07:00

Socialized healthcare.

Now before you liberal and conservatives start frothing at the mouths about your respective policies and how they are superior to that of your opponent's, let's actually take a look a the problem itself.

Socialized- now in the mind of American born within the last...oh...say 60 years? They hear "socialized" and think what? COMMUNISM!!! The Red Menace has come back full force to entice us with "free" healthcare which will totally destroy the American way of life!

No. Not even.It's true that in these trying economic times, socialized health care seems like a bad idea to peddle considering how much capital would need to be generated in order to make it work.

Now the three most prominent arguments i've heard are as follows:

"Why shouldn't we have FREE healthcare?"
"Why should government take control of the health industry?"
"Why should i pay for someone else's well-being?"

Now, my answers!

1. It's not free, socialized health care would tax the shit out of the American taxpayer. You don't get something by paying for nothing. But it's either paying private healthcare, who can flat-out deny you an life-saving operation based on having a pre-existing condition or government health-care which will impose restrictions on certain things. Pick whichever makes more sense.
2. Because, the government's job is the betterment of the society to which they represent. Private-run healthcare is a business, and if you don't have the cash? Sucks to be you, then. It's in their best interests to keep the citizens happy and healthy.
3. This is simple, why should i help my fellow man? Um, having a little humanity? I'm sick to death of people pissing and moaning about "Why should i take care of other people?" That attitude is why society has gone to hell in this country.

You should because it's the right thing to do.

Healthcare should be a guaranteed right to every human being regardless of monetary standing, if that means I've got to foot the bill every now and again? So be it. My conscience will be clear.

Now I'm off to get a check-up with an oral hygienist if you know what i mean....giggety.

Till next time....

Back from the dead....searching for brains.

2009-08-17T05:46:00.000-07:00

MMMRRRAAWWWAAAAHHHH...........

Nah i'm just fucking with you,

It's been a weird couple of months for me and so i apologize for not updating twice a week as previously promised to my reader.

That being said, a person asked me, "Why write a blog if no one will read it?" The answer was simple enough. "I don't care if someone reads it or not, posting my thoughts were strictly for my gratification, not anybody else's." That is still true to today, i don't care if people ever read this.

I do this because most people never speak there minds for reasons like acceptance, recently i found that pretending to be someone you're not will only lead to trouble down the road. So i've come back to the blogging to blast every motherfucker whose pissed me off in a two month period.

Why might you ask?

Because I can, and until they break that right, i'll abuse it for as long as i can.

Now if you'll excuse me, i've got a date with cold pizza and vitamin water.

Until tomorrow, dear reader......

2009-05-24T20:57:00.000-07:00

You know, for the longest time I've been led to believe that monetary gain is the most important thing that one can gain. Love, trust, power and glory all can bought or sold for the almighty Dollar (or Euro, if you're looking for a more solid currency.) But, doesn't it seem strange to be sacrificing your life away for pieces of paper whose worth fluctuate on the whim of global markets? This week's rant might not be long but it has a profound point, I'm tired of letting money run my life.

From now on what i do will be for the enjoyment of my life not for the gain of monetary funds.

Now if you'll excuse me, i need to clear out my life savings to buy a tricked-out van

Till next time............

Film.

2009-05-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

OK, now my last post said that i was going to write two more rants about what's wrong with society (i.e. Government, politics, economy, etc.) But at this point? I'm so fed up with having to explain to people the minute details of it all that i've come up with a pithy newspaper style headline. "The world's fucked, who's to blame? You."

There. All comments saying i'm skipping over certain topics for reasons of boredom can taken back and shoved squarly up your ass. Now, the reason for such a aggravated tone this evening is I just got back from the movies. Tonight's viewing? Star Trek. Before you ask, no, i'm not going to piss and moan about Star Trek. It was because of Star Trek placating my rage that the theater in town is still standing.

What drove me to blind, incandescent rage were amongst the previews were two trailers that truly defined the word "suck." Those were G.I. Joe and Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen.
Now before certain people get in defensive mode about these bastardized 80's re-hashes, let me clarify my point.

One, i don't hate reinventions of series, in fact i would be a hypocrite if that were the case since the movie i went to see was a re-invention of a 60's era television show. What i do hate is when the core elements of what made those series great are thrown out the windows and replaced with vile attempts at merchandising and Meghan Fox's ass (though the former pisses me off much more than the latter.)

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is another in a long series of movies in which nothing happens but explosions and badly written humor. If movies like this were a capital offensive? Michael Bay would have gotten the chair 20 times over, because that all he ever makes. EVER! No originality ever, in fact he was more worried about how much he'd be making off the marketing tie-ins with Microsoft, Chevrolet, Mountain Dew etc, etc. as they all played roles in this sacrilige to 80's cartoons.

Another death-row inmate would be the guy responsible for G.I. Joe, who i will be refering to as Michael Bay No. 2, beacuse after watching both trailers I couldn't see too much of a discernable difference in either film. Both have ridiculous amounts of explosions, both have property damages that would make New Orleans post-Katrina look like Disneyland. I'm not even joking when i say that both films have robots in them, except one has sentient robots and the other has Special Forces soldiers in robotic suits of armor. They both even have that sickening habit of having star talent playing the lead roles, except both films suffer the quirk of having stars that hurt the film rather than help, case in point, the bastard son of Indiana Jones (Shia Labeouf) and token tough-guy black sidekick (Marlon Wayans, wait, what?)

The point is when you're going to make properties in order to capture new audiences, don't leave them in hands of people who are looking to make money. Because they will always screw up, when i first heard about the re-invention of Star Trek, i admit that i thought they would screw up. But i saw the trailer and began to come around, then when i finally saw the movie and saw how the explained it, i was dazzled. It showed that certain directors will still take the time and effort to make the story enjoyable, not just placate to our base needs of tits and explosions.

Now if you'll excuse me, i've got some writing to do, i'm going to write my own re-inventing of a property, Red Dwarf.

Till next time....

Jumping Ship

2009-05-17T13:14:00.001-07:00

I don't know why I waited so long to do this, but I finally got around to making my own blog. This will be my last post on this one. I know I'm probably going to lose a lot of people since it took forever just to convince anyone to follow this one. But I would like to actually have my own blog that I can customize and do shit with. I appreciate the fact that Colin got me into this whole blogging venture. Now it's time to move on.

You can find my new personal blog here: Inspired Lunacy

I might still contribute to this one from time to time, although it's hard enough to come up with things to write about on just one blog, let alone multiple.

Also, I'd like to once again mention that I have a page writing for the Baltimore Examiner. You can find it at: UMBC Examiner

It's not particularly active at the moment, but I have been in the midst of finals week. Also, school's pretty much over. But I assure you there will be new and exciting articles to come.

Once again, my new blog is called Inspired Lunacy. Hopefully, people will be willing to go through the immense hassle of reading a new blog. I know it's an enormous chore, remembering to check another blog...and clicking that follow button again, shit man. Alright that's enough sarcasm.

Anyway, I should have my inaugural post up later today. Right now, I'm going to take advantage of my last Sunday working at the library and watch a movie while attempting to ignore the patrons.

EDIT: I'm also going to post a few of the posts from this blog, some of the more topical ones.

Read my Shit!

2009-05-10T12:44:00.001-07:00

For the second weekend in a row, AEPi completely failed at life. Formal went about as well as can be expected considering I completely fucked up and caused us to almost not have one at all. The family bbq today was just embarrassing, though. There was a grand total of five people in attendance...we immediately said screw it and just went home with about $60 worth of unused bbq supplies.

I don't really care that much though. We're so close to being done that nothing really seems to matter other than finishing the semester with decent grades. I basically gave up on actually doing my last assembly project and simply typed what I thought would be enough code to at least get my a 70. Most likely I'll get something even lower. I think I'll be fine though as long as I get at least an 80 on the final.

The only thing I really wanted to talk about in this post was my new "job" writing for the Baltimore Examiner. So far I've made $0.69 as you get paid by the number of page views. I am the UMBC Examiner, a topic that I'm not entirely sure I still want to write about. I applied to be an Examiner two months ago and noticed that under "Education & Schools" there were Examiners for UMD, Johns Hopkins, and Loyala but not one for UMBC even though the school is only 15 minutes from downtown Baltimore. I saw you could "Suggest a Topic" and so I submitted a convincing argument for why there should be a UMBC Examiner and that Examiner should be me.

Finally, after I'd forgotten about it, the people at the Examiner sent me an email two weeks ago saying they wanted me to write for them about UMBC. I went ahead and accepted the offer and have written two articles so far. I'll probably write another one today. I'm not sure exactly what my role as an Examiner is going to be. I mean, I don't exactly love the school so I'm not going to write a bunch of articles trying to convince people that UMBC is the best college ever. I do still feel that UMBC is an interesting enough environment to warrant being Examined. I plan on writing articles giving advice to current students on how to make the best of being a student here.

My first article was a list of 10 important lessons I've learned at UMBC. My second was about the trials and tribulations of planning a big event. My third will probably be about Library Media. After that, I'm open to suggestions. It figures that I would start writing about school just as the semester is ending, which means I'm just going to get shitcanned anyway since I'm not going to have anything to write about over the summer.

At any rate, I urge you all to visit my Examiner page and read my articles. Also, please leave comments and refresh the page about a 1000 times. And click my links as well. Anything to get more nickels and dimes.

Link to my page:

UMBC Examiner

The Mercurial Champion

2009-05-03T23:15:00.000-07:00

I looked back and read my last post, and already it just seems whiny and depressing. So I thought I'd compensate for that lame entry by sharing a poem I just wrote. I think it's pretty good.

"The Mercurial Champion"

There's a place in my pocket where the money's gone thin
But sometimes even a born loser's gotta win.
And I've only one chance to scratch the sky
So let the slings and arrows of my enemies fly.

Can't forgive ya, sweet Virginia,
Never would have thought that you had it in ya.
You spoke your mind and you stole my heart
But you flew of the handle when I fell apart.

Heaven sent on a speeding train
Sitting here stuck trying to write the refrain.
Got nothing but a pen and a pad of scratch
And the flickering flame on the end of a match.

Do you think when I make it anyone will care
About the wind and the rain and the dust in my hair?
I made more selling rocks on the South Street docks.
These fools only listen when it's the money that talks.

Sage-like advice, it comes at a price
Sins of the city, how they love to entice.
Pages and pages of words for the ages
Written by men who make minimum wages.

I used to be one of those unfortunate souls
Entrapped by pretty eyes staring back from black holes.
I let the women in my life just run me aground.
They talk and they talk but they don't make a sound.

Now I'm a writer and a new-age fighter
In one hand a pen and in the other a lighter.
Inscribed on the walls left unscathed by the fire:
A mission statement for my fledgling empire.

Lived like a bandit and died like a king
Mourned by the masses, in the streets they will sing.
Composed my own anthem and waged my own war
Collected the debts and I settled the score.

There's a place in my pocket where the money's gone thin
But sometimes even a born loser's gotta win.
And I've only one chance to scratch the sky
So let the slings and arrows of my enemies fly.

Tales from the Barrel of Shame and Defeat

2009-05-03T13:05:00.000-07:00

I learned a valuable lesson today: animal crackers are the perfect food for a hangover. They're small, plain, but still tasty; they go down easy, and despite feeling like there was no way I could possibly consume solid food, one cracker quickly turned into half the bag.

Sometimes life seems like a neverending barrel of shame. Just when you think you've hit the bottom, it drops out and you keep on falling. Inside the barrel of shame is a slightly smaller barrel known as the barrel of defeat. Inside the barrels of shame and defeat one finds himself in a cavernous void of negativity where no light ever shines. At this point, you have no recourse but to take an ax to the whole barrel metaphor altogether. It's either that or wallow there in the mire you've likely created for yourself.

I'm not entirely certain how I ended up in this barrel last night. I mean, the party that we worked so hard for was a total bust, but to be honest, I wasn't really surprised. Personally speaking, I don't have too many specific reasons to be unhappy. I mean, one of my closest friends is going through some tough times at the moment, and that affects everyone. Also, my date for my fraternity's formal sent me a Facebook message today informing me that she would be unable to make it. This leaves my motivation to actually plan the formal at a minimum. Academically, although I have practically nothing left to actually do, I'm having a hard time forcing myself to complete what few tasks I do have. But the semester's almost over...freedom is so painfully close. I've never wanted anything to end as badly as I want this semester to end.

I guess that's how I ended up in the barrel, actually; now that it's almost over, I find myself with occasion to reflect on all that's happened to me over the last couple months. Nearly all of it was bad. And rather than drink to the good things, last night I drank to forget all the bad.

Academically, my future seems hazy at best; even if I actually enjoy my new major(s), I know my degree is going to be practically worthless. What the hell am I going to do with two B.A.'s? Also, it's starting to seem like a good many people I considered friends don't really give a shit about me. At this point, the fraternity is really all I've got. That's not necessarily such a bad thing, but it still feels like I have less friends now than I did a few months ago.

There's also the fact that the future seems so much better that the present just sucks in comparison. There are a number of positive things coming down the road. I should be finally getting my own car in a few weeks. I officially have my first paid writing job: look for me soon as the UMBC Examiner on www.examiner.com. I'll talk more about that once I've started. Also, I know next year is going to be vastly superior. Living in the apartment next year, with people I actually enjoy hanging out with, will be such a refreshing change from living in a dorm room. No longer will I be forced to eat shitty dining hall food. I'll only be taking classes two days a week, as well. This will leave me with plenty of free time to write, maybe get a better job, lead my fraternity, and - I hope - finally start working out again (I'm in pretty bad shape, physically, right now). The classes I will be taking are ones I am going to enjoy - no more math, science, and most importantly, comp sci to make my life miserable. Without having to worry as much about making grades, I'll able to focus on other things, perhaps new and unexplored activities. Maybe I'll write for the school newspaper. Maybe I'll start my own radio show. Maybe I'll get involved in theater again. I can finally start a band like I've been hoping to.

Despite all of this, I still feel like shit right now. Most of that is probably due to the lingering remnants of my hangover from this morning. Some of it is likely due to that fear and hesitation that affects every person who is entering a new chapter of their life. Starting college was supposed to be the big transition, but it's not until two years later that I actually feel like I'm beginning something entirely new and different. My future is an open book right now - a fitting simile for a self-professed writer.

In short, being in a barrel is an altogether unpleasant experience. I wholeheartedly advise against falling into one.

Guitar Talk

2009-04-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

Here are three ideas for band names I came up with:

1. The Quick and the Dead
2. In Vesuvius' Shadow
3. Myth

I have every intention of forming a band. I'm at the point now where I really want to play with people. I've been playing guitar for about a year and a half now and can at least play well enough to be a competent rhythm guitarist. I also have a lot of lyrics I've written saved on my computer as well as the first 30 to 40 measures or so of various songs I've written using Guitar Pro of all things. It's not exactly a great tool for songwriting, but it's quite useful for a guitar player and it does provide the minimum of features necessary to write music with a variety of instrumentation.

In addition to more talent, I also need more equipment if I ever want to be at the point where I could perform with a band. The only guitar I own is my Ephipone Les Paul Studio, which I purchased for $100 less than the sticker price because it was chipped in a few places.

Mine's the one on the bottom.

And the amp.

I play through a Roland Cube 20x amp, which is fantastic as a practice amp but obviously limited in its use outside my bedroom. That's the extent of my equipment. Currently I'm debating whether I should purchase a nice acoustic guitar or buy some pedals and such for my electric; most likely I'd get an acoustic. I tested out the Epiphone Masterbilt AJ-500RE at Bill's Music in Catonsville and it was easily my favorite of the the acoustics that I tried. It's also $700, so it'll be a while until I can afford it. Still I'd much rather save up more money to get a guitar I really like than to settle for a cheaper one.

It's not that fancy looking, but it sounds fantastic.

I wish I had started playing guitar when I was much younger and taken actual lessons, rather than started teaching myself at the age of 19. I've gotten much more enjoyment out of playing guitar for a year and a half than I did from playing trumpet for six years. I guess I always sort of dismissed the idea of playing guitar because so many people do, but I suppose there is a reason it's so popular. I've found that it's starting to replace video games as my destressor activity. Honestly, even if I'm just sitting at my desk waiting for my computer to boot up, I'll pick up my guitar and start playing.

If anyone has any suggestions for acoustic guitars I should look at, or what my next step should be to augment my electric guitar playing, please share them. At first I felt like a bit of a poser for waiting so long to start playing, but any time's a good time to start, and I've really gotten into it. Not only is it fun and relaxing, but it's helped rekindle my excitement for music after being in high school band for four years pretty much crushed it. And that right there is a powerful thing.

Top Fives

2009-04-16T12:21:00.001-07:00

Thought I'd share my top 5 favorites in various categories. Here we go:

Top 5 Bands:
1. Yes - they made "Close to the Edge"
2. Genesis - Peter Gabriel-era only
3. King Crimson - listen to "Epitaph" or "Starless" and you'll see why
4. Emerson, Lake & Palmer - listen to "Tarkus"
5. Rush - they just kick a lot of ass

Top 5 Guitar Players:
1. Steve Vai - He made "For the Love of God"
2. Joe Satriani - He looks badass when he plays and he taught Steve Vai how to play
3. Al Di Meola - probably one of if not the most technically proficient guitar players ever
4. Buckethead - he may be really weird, but god damn can he play
5. Steve Hackett - for his solo on "Firth of Fifth"

Top 5 Bass Players
1. Stanley Clarke - I saw him perform with Return to Forever and he was fucking awesome
2. Victor Wooten - just check out his videos on Youtube
3. Les Claypool - also slaps bass like a mofo
4. Jaco Pastorius - really great jazz player
5. Geddy Lee - I know people tend to pay attention to his screechy voice more, but he really is a great bass player

Top 5 Singers
1. Greg Lake - I would make love to his voice if I could
2. Peter Hamill - of Van der Graaf Generator, his wildly theatrical singing style is captivating
3. Peter Gabriel - one of those singers that is widely emulated
4. Roine Stolt - of The Flower Kings, sings with two different styles that are equally great
5. Mikael Akerfeldt - of Opeth, you wouldn't know it from the death growling, but his "clean" vocals are just beautiful

Top 5 Drummers:
1. Neal Peart - of Rush, just look at the size of his stage setup
2. Bill Bruford - played with Yes, King Crimson, and many others
3. Billy Cobham - his drumming with Mahavishnu Orchestra sounds like a machine gun
4. Carl Palmer - of Emerson Lake and Palmer
5. John Bonham - of Led Zeppelin, listen to the solo on "Moby Dick"

Okay, that's enough music related ones.

Top 5 Movies:
1. Pulp Fiction - Samuel L. Motherfuckin' Jackson, need I say more?
2. Dark City - crazy sci-fi movie strikingly similar in theme to the Matrix...but it came out a year earlier
3. Fight Club - first rule of Fight Club...
4. Clerks - "37? In a row?"
5. Beerfest - yeah , it's not exactly high brow entertainment, but it is hilarious

Top 5 TV Shows:
1. Lost - I've already said enough about this one
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - so stupid, it's genius
3. 30 Rock - Tracy Morgan mainly, but everyone on this show is fantastic
4. Venture Bros. - I want to be Brock Samson
5. Entourage - scratch that, I want to be these guys

Top 5 Books:
1. The Dark Tower (series) - these books almost make want to get a guns and roses tattoo
2. A Song of Ice and Fire (series) - probably the most well-written fantasy books I've read, it's high fantasy for people who don't really care about magic and monsters
3. American Gods - a fantastic blend of folklore, mythology, and Neil Gaiman's genius, I really want to see this turned into a movie
4. The Stand - Stephen King is on here twice because he's that good - the Stand may be long, but this post-apocalyptic tale is definitely worth it
5. The Diamond Age - Neal Stephenson is currently my favorite author because of his ability to make technical things interesting and his witty, amusing writing style

Top 5 Webcomics:
1. Achewood - I've never seen anyone write dialogue quite the way Chris Onstad - he's either brilliant or just crazy
2. Dr. McNinja - it's about a doctor who's also a ninja
3. XKCD - the quintessential nerd comic
4. Questionable Content - the closest I'll ever get to watching a soap opera, plus Jeph Jacques has helped me discover quite a few great bands
5. Penny Arcade - often imitated, but never surpassed, the ultimate video game webcomic

Top 5 Video Games:
1. Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion - it's almost like a single player MMORPG, I've never put so much time into a game as I have into this one
2. Final Fantasy III (VI in Japan) - is and will always be superior to Final Fantasy VII; Sephiroth can go suck a preposterously long dick
3. Chrono Trigger - unique for its cast of characters, time traveling theme, and rediculous number of endings
4. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas - tons of replay value, I was disappointed when GTA IV took out all the wacky shit like the jetpack, jet, RC cars, etc.
5. God of War - easily the most fun action game I've ever played, it put quick time button pressing on the map

Alright, that's enough for now. Maybe I'll do a follow-up post some time with some more of my favorite things. I encourage people to respond with their own Top 5's.

Obligatory Post about Music

2009-04-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

It turns out the library is open on Easter. As you might expect, the place is even more empty than it normally is on a Sunday afternoon. Empty except for me, that is. And so, as promised in my last post, I shall explain why I have excellent taste in music.

Somewhere between the beginning and the end of high school I became very passionate about music. My collection expanded and so did my preferences. I formed a great many opinions on the subject and have become something of a snob when it comes to analyzing the musical interests of others. In particular, I am fascinated by the trends of so-called "popular music." I use that term somewhat disdainfully not because I inherently resent pop music, but because in today's society there really isn't a genre that has a dominant stranglehold on the industry - the same holds true for other aspects of popular culture like tv, movies, and books. I will proceed on that note.

Actually, before I make any more detailed analysis, let me start by saying that there is one group of people that annoy me more than those with bad taste in music, and that is people with no taste in music whatsoever. These might be people who say they don't really listen to music, but that's kind of a rare thing to find. What I am referring to here are the people who say they like "everything." If what I am about to say here offends anyone, well...I don't really care. There are a lot of people who say this, and it really bugs me. For one thing, you don't really listen to "everything" - you listen to what is popular or trendy. Do you listen to acid jazz? Do you listen to experimental alternative polka? Do you listen to the folk dances of the indigenous Maori tribes? No? Then you don't listen to everything. And neither do I. It would be virtually impossible to digest every single form of music there is in the world. But more importantly, when you form an opinion on something, you evolve from just being a consumer to being a participant. You have an influence simply by saying "this is good and this is bad and here's why." When you complacently listen to music without forming any sort of reaction to it, you contribute absolutely nothing. Criticism is what drives art and keeps it from stagnating.

So, with that out of the way, on to my personal opinions about music.

In general, I would identify three major categories into which music can be placed: Good music, Bad music, and Acceptable music. You should note that none of these categories imply a specific genre. Every genre of music has its share of good and bad. Some just have a lot more bad than good. For example, Country music. I'm sure there are good country songs, I just haven't heard any. To be honest, country music down right offends me. I'd be hard-pressed to think of another genre of music so seemingly devoid of innovation, variety, or creativity. Country singers just scream "corporate lackey" to me - their very image is a brand. It's marketed directly to people who just want to be told what to listen to without having to think about it. It embraces the lowest common denominator by churning out song after song about the same themes, with the same sound, sung by the same voice. Every other genre attemps to change and evolve, but country music goes absolutely nowhere.

Since I'm already ranting here, I might as well explain what constitutes Bad music. Obviously, I think country music is Bad. Bad music does nothing to innovate. Bad music makes no attempt to challenge the listener. Bad music makes no effort to write lyrics that are decent or even interesting. Bad music promotes the image of the artists more than the actual music itself. It saddens me image has become so tied up with pop music. I don't care if an artist is ugly as sin and can barely dress himself, if he makes great music than he deserves fame and money far more than someone who distracts his audiences from how terrible his music is by decking himself out in gold chains and pouring Cristal on a half-naked woman.

Bad music is also any music that attemps to capitalize on a particular trend or time period. Music that imitates what is popular at the moment does not age well. As a rule of thumb, if a song goes from being popular to practically unlistenable in the span of only a few years, it's probably not that good a song. By this logic, I would say that most of the music of the 80s is Bad. The bands of the 80s were all about image, they all copied each other, and they have not aged well at all. Also, I tend to look down on artists who emulate icons to the point where it's impossible to identify them by anything unique. For a very specific example, look at the influence of Peter Gabriel. Peter Gabriel has such a distinctive voice and persona that he has been widely imitated in the progressive rock world. The bands Arena, IQ, and Marillion all have lead singers who attempt to sing exactly like him. Marillion is the biggest offender - their singer, the inexplicably named Fish, is so similar it's scary. Here are two videos for comparison:

Genesis - The Musical Box

Marillion - Garden Party

You'll notice that not only does Fish sound like Gabriel, but he also performs like him - notice the stage makeup, the theatricality, and even the little hand motions he makes when he sings. This fact is even more noticeable considering that Fish talks with an incredibly thick Scottish accent. To be fair, "Garden Party" is a pretty good song in its own right, but "The Musical Box" is easily the better of the two. I guess it's a bit ironic that I showed videos of songs that I like in the section about Bad music, but whatever. Alright, so here's an example of what I consider to be a bad song.

Kid Rock - All Summer Long

Here's another:

Steve Miller Band - Take the Money and Run

(That one might earn me some hate. I don't care; I fucking hate Steve Miller Band. Especially "The Joker." His lyrics and his singing are just so obnoxious.)

In the middle, we have Acceptable music. Acceptable music is nice to listen to, but there's nothing terribly exciting about it. A lot of popular music falls into this category as well. There's nothing wrong with Acceptable music. It's basically music that anyone can enjoy. For example, the Beatles would be the epitome of this. I don't know anyone who outright hates The Beatles, but I also can't think of anyone I know who says The Beatles are their favorite band. Beatles songs are pleasing to listen to, but I don't get enthusiastic about them. It's more like, "Nice, The Beatles" rather than "FUCK YES! The Beatles!!!" There really isn't a whole lot I can say about this category. It's pretty good, but not extraordinary. I don't need to share any examples for this one.

So at this point, I've pretty much clarified what makes Good music by detailing what it's not, but I'll go ahead and spell it out. Normally, the thing that differentiates Good music from Bad music is talent. Talented musicians generally make better music than ones without talent. This isn't always the case however: Yngwie Malmsteen is an incredibly skilled guitar player, but his music sucks. It's overblown and self-indulgent, a problem that sometimes afflicts musicians who just might be too talented for their own good.

Good music, truly good music, is music that challenges the listener. What do I mean by "challenges?" A really challenging and interesting song may take several listens before you notice everything that it has to offer. It may be music that you don't initially like at first but then grow to appreciate how amazing it is. Genesis was like that for me. Basically, progressive rock represents Good music to me. I'll save the explanation of what progressive rock is for another post, but basically Yes, Genesis, Emerson Lake & Palmer, King Crimson...those are the core bands. Rush to some extent as well. Those are probably my favorite bands right there. The things that separate these bands from less awesome ones are: talent, complexity of the music, and lyrics. While I definitely thing music is far more important than lyrics, truly great lyrics bring an already good song to the next level, while terrible lyrics are distracting even in a song that would otherwise be good. King Crimson's early songs have some of the most beautiful and poetic lyrics I can think of. Here is a perfect example of the power of lyricist Pete Sinfield's writing (and one of my favorite songs ever):

King Crimson - Epitaph

I talk a lot about progressive rock, but I want to dispel the illusion that I only listen to obscure bands from the 70s. I also love indie rock, funk, jazz fusion, and just hard rock in general. Metal is decent every once in a while and sometimes I want to hear the song "Superstar" by Lupe Fiasco or some Notorious B.I.G. Indie rock is my second favorite genre. Here are two of my favorite songs by indie (well arguably less so now) artists:

The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)

The Decemberists - Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect

Unfortunately, I can't post my absolute favorite song ever, "Close to the Edge" by Yes because it's 20 minutes long. At least, I'm not going to be able to find it on Youtube easily. This song represents all that I hold dear about music: crazy talented musicians, interesting lyrics, extended compositions that explore all sorts of musical ideas, and a general refusal to compromise to the standards of radio and popular music in general. This song also has sentimental and nostalgiac value to me as I can remember being a little kid and hearing my dad play it in his office right next to my room. I would lay on my bed and think "What is this strange and beautiful sound?" It wasn't until years later that I could truly appreciate Yes and many of the other bands my dad introduced me to. So I'll close by posting another really great Yes song and urge all of you to try and obtain a copy of "Close to the Edge" somewhere. And finally, start listening to Good music and criticizing Bad music.

Yes - South Side of the Sky

2009-04-09T18:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, now i've haven't ranted about anything in a great while, so get comfortable, cause this is gonna be a long one.

Now first things first, i like to hear various points of view on things, it's the only way in which one can draw a reasoned opinion on any subject. Now, certain things in this rant are going to offend some and enlighten others, i leave this to you to either read on or click off now.

You have been warned.

This rant is the first of three on what's wrong in society, and to be honest i'm going to harp on everybody. The bad will get it and so will the good, because ignorance cannot be tolerated on issues such as these. No one will be spared including myself, so here we go.

Society has gone to hell, this simple statement is obvious to everyone in this nation. The question that seems to elude everyone is "Who is responsible?" Well, that answer should be very obvious as well,

You are.

Now, i'm not saying you as in the reader, are personally responsible for the state of the world today. I mean, you as in the American society are responsible, this country is responsible for a great many, if not all problems in the world today. Many people would deny this, saying that other nations share a large portion of the guilt, but those people are going to fry in the endless depth of Hades for being ignorant fucking liars.

Here's the numbers to prove it. To date the United States is responsible for:

20,680,000 barrels of oil consumed on a daily basis (that's daily, not yearly or monthly, but daily)

$11,149,549,731,791.80 (USD) owed as of 10 Apr 2009 at 12:17:35 AM GMT

MILITARY(the cost of fucking up Afghanistan, Iraq or anyone else that looks at America funny): 54% and $1,449 billion

NON-MILITARY (the shit that matters to you, "the average American"): 46% and $1,210 billion

2.5 trillion spent on "Health-care" that is HMO's (i.e. Aetna, BlueCross/Blue Shield)

703,677 dead civilians in Iraq, 19,529 dead civilians in Afghanistan

51% of the planet does not like us. (3,379,449,276.5 people hate our guts*)

I'd go further, but i'd have to strangle someone with my bare hands, no joke. I always had thought that the American people, no matter what the odds, had always the indomitable spirit to survive. But after living through Bush II (electric boogaloo!) I honestly think we as a nation have become a waddling pack of lemmings, mindlessly marching towards oblivion.

But our fate is not as forgiving as a cliff, no. Our end is sitting blithly in our homes, living out our lives wondering what Octa-Mom will do next or is Miley Cyrus going to turn skank as the nukes destroy this fragile shell we once proudly declared "The Greatest Nation on Earth."

Guess what?

We ain't. We're sub-par at best. I don't care if you agree with me or not, but i'll say this: if you disagree? You're wrong. Don't bother trying to defend your position, YOU'RE WRONG.

Dont get me wrong, I love the nation in which I live.

But,

When you piss and moan about immigrants stealing jobs that you wouldn't be caught dead doing?

When you complain about the cost of gas and yet still as a nation, we spend $1,080,323,200 a day on it?

When you allow your leaders to send your fellow man to kill your fellow man without provocation, but to line their pockets?

I'm sorry, but you are a fucking idiot.

We look down on countries like Britain, France and Germany for being so lax, well look down all you want at their way of life.

But remember this....those governments fear their people, not the other way round. The government sees a protest coming? They give. Why? They understand the simplest precept of politics that the politicians and (quite possibly) the people have forgotten:

Government is given its power by people, and if the people don't believe in it? It is nothing.

So turn off the TV, iPod, xbox 360, computer, whatever is rotting your brain at the moment. Pick up a paper, listen to a public speaker, take a fucking interest in the world. Eventually the way things are going?

You might not be so lucky to even do that.

(Oh! By the way the * above? That 0.5 of a person? Imagine that as a paraplegic whose dead from the waist down, crushed under the rubble from a smart bomb attack, That's the 0.5)

Thinking yet?

No?

Then get fucking to it!

*DING* End of Round One.

Trust me, I know I left a lot uncovered which is why there's two more coming soon.

Observations

2009-04-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

Today I observed some things. I observed a group of nuns engage in a pick-up game of Ultimate Frisbee. I observed an old man on a bike get hit by a car and then apologize profusely to the driver. I observed two small Asian children conversing in perfect German. I observed a great deal more of D.C. than I initially anticipated due to the lack of ability of both Gary and myself to navigate through our nation's capital. I observed a massive throng of people endure rediculous traffic and each other just to see something as simple as blossoming trees.

I enjoyed that a great deal. It was not the most eventful excursion, nor did we get to spend a lot of time there, but a pleasant experience it certainly was - some all-around quality Big/Little time. The weather today is absolutely fantastic, and I must profess I don't really just spend time outside as much as I would like. Also, I'm not sure if I've ever actually been to the Jefferson Memorial before. I observed a huge crowd of people observing some sort of display of traditional dancing (I'm not sure exactly which tradition but it looked vaguely Japanese) in front of the steps of the memorial. Inside, I read the quotes inscribed on the walls and ceiling and observed that Jefferson had quite a way with words. "I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." This is the inscription under the dome. It has a nice ring to it; sort of rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? If we are to judge a man by his words, we can judge Jefferson as a man worthy of high esteem. Perhaps someday I can say something that pithy and it will be carved on a big slab of marble beneath an iconic stone representation of my princely figure. To anyone who would tell me that my figure is not in fact "princely," I thumb my nose at you and say, "Good day, sir."

I also observe that we have finally acquired an additional follower. This brings the total to an astounding five. So good of you to join us, Russell. I'll count it as an accomplishment, but there are still not even enough followers of this blog to form a minyan. You know, because I was planning on engaging in communal religious services with the readers of this blog. I know there are more than five people reading this thing. Why can't anyone just click the little button marked "Follow" and boost my fragile ego with a token pledge of committment?

Perhaps it is because you all expect much more out of your online blogging experience. I aim to deliver on this, but I'm not sure where to start. Suggestions would be extremely helpful; I'm not entirely sure, but I think there may be some sort of mechanism to leave feedback on this blog. I realize my style may not appeal to everyone. Do I need more pictures to break up the wall of text? Hmm...okay here's a pretty picture to appease you.

Do you also require streaming video and music? Well...bandwidth doesn't just grow on glorious pink trees, you know. But maybe we can work something out. I'm sure if Colin had his shit together right now instead of being mired in the hell known as the Deep South that he and I would be cooking up some high-quality bloggertainment (for you slower readers, that's a portmanteau of "blogger" and "entertainment" - and if you didn't know what a portmanteau is, guess what, you just learned a new word). Hopefully, Colin will be back in the good old MD soon and we can get up to some hijinks. I don't know why I'm speaking for Colin since this is his damn blog, but I do have a tendency to forget this fact. I salute you, Colin - I may post on your own blog more than you do, but I never would have started posting in the first place if you hadn't invited me.

Honestly, if I really want this little venture to be more successful, I suppose I need to post more myself. I guess I also need to find more relevant things to post about. I can only sit here and bitch about my personal life for so long before even I get bored of it. So in my next post I'll be explaining why my taste in music is superior to yours. Hell, I'll even get a chance to throw in streaming audio and video clips while I'm at it. I'll try my hand at being an honest-to-God snobbish music critic. Then you all can blast me in the face with Internet-style "constructive feedback." It's going to be tremendously exciting. Unfortunately, you'll have to wait at least a week because I have an exam, a 5-page case study to finish, a 20-page group research project to start, and...*shudder*...another assembly project.

I'm looking forward to having people insult my intelligence via anonymous comments. Until next time, I say, "Good day to you, Internet."

A 'Lost' Cause

2009-03-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

Before I move to the topic which has inspired me to form such a terrible pun, I'd like to take a brief moment to give an update on the status of my Decisions-related situation. Put simply, Decisions have been made. I am now a double major in Media and Communication Studies and American Studies. I will be remaining at UMBC for another year in the hopes that this radical shift in my academic goals will also instigate improvement in the other areas of my life. Also, the monster success we achieved with our party last night is particularly inspiring. In general, I would describe my current state as "cautiously optimistic."

Anyway, on to a topic I consider far more important: the serial television drama Lost. In the course of the past two years, I have become a dedicated Lost fan. Well, maybe not "dedicated," but at least "committed." Which, incidentally, is what I should probably be for professing my loyalty to a show that even die-hards would agree is "bat-shit insane." Lost is an incredibly polarizing show. It is discussed with an equal mixture of intense devotion and intense disdain. I happen to be firmly in the camp of the supporters, and thus I am going to subject you all to my own personal take on the Lost universe.

Even the most cursory summary of the plot will quickly necessitate a lengthy explanation of the motivations and relationships of a frankly rediculous number of characters. As anyone who has read Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time can testify to, filling your story with a fucking phone book's worth of characters is a massive pain in the ass for your average reader. It is some small consolation that at least the creators of Lost are willing to some extent to kill characters off. I've always been a proponent of killing off crucial characters; it makes for some wacky plot twists (and by extension, entertaining television) and really fucks with the viewers' heads. George R. R. Martin, writer of the Song of Ice and Fire series (which is purportedly being adapted for TV by HBO), is an expert at this game of bait and switch. Although it makes it kind of difficult to get attached to any of the characters, the fact that Martin is fully willing to kill off anyone regardless of how indispensable to the plot they may seem is one of the things that makes A Song of Ice and Fire my favorite fantasy book series hands-down.

Right, so...Lost. Lost is primarily focused on a group of passengers aboard Oceanic Flight 815 who crash on a mysterious island. This island is henceforth referred to as The Island because it is really a character in its own right. The Island is a powerful and mysterious entity, the product of supernatural forces that defy explanation or control. These forces exhibit unusual effects on the people who encounter it, including but not limited to accelerated miraculous healing, visions of dead people, and an overinflated sense of purpose or destiny. This power has drawn people both intentionally and unintentionally throughout history to The Island. Among these include a secretive and not entirely benign research organization called the Dharma Initiative, a powerful and wealthy Brit by the name of Charles Widmore, and a vaguely cult-like group living on the Island referred to as The Natives, the Others, or the Hostiles depending on who is referring to them. The survivors find themselves entangled with these and other factions as well as the Island itself.

To further complicate matters, the survivors all have their own colorful backgrounds filled with scandal and intrigue which tie them to each other, the Island, and many of the other factions. Nothing in the Lost universe can be taken for granted or accepted at face value. Every episode raises more questions than it answers. It is probably this fact that makes Lost such an easy show to either love or hate. There's no denying it - Lost is confusing. If you miss one episode you're effectively screwed. Watching Lost for any extended period of time cultivates a compulsive need to watch more Lost. Medical professionals are currently researching the prolonged effects of and potential treatment of 'The Lost Effect.'

As a sufferrer of the Lost Effect, it may be difficult for me to fully articulate what it is that makes the show so compelling. Never have I seen another television show that offers its viewers so much to sink their teeth into. There are innumerable mysteries to speculate and theorize over. No matter how much is ever revealed, you always know the writers have only scratched the tip of the iceberg. It makes one wonder if the writers even have answers to the questions they create. Are they making this shit up as they go along or are they really following an over-arching plot with a definitive beginning, middle, and most importantly, end? At this point either option seems entirely possible. I mean, they actually made the current season about time travel. Time travel is probably one of the quickest ways to send a plot into the crapper, but I have to say that this season is one of the most entertaining I've seen since the beginning. It makes my head hurt something fierce to even contemplate for a moment how any of this is supposed to get resolved, but I have faith in the Lost writers. Personally, the only way I can really see to tie off all the loose ends is to drop a nuke on the Island or in some other way completely wreck its shit. Also, they would need to kill off every single character and call the Ghostbusters to get rid of their lingering spirits. I have absolutely zero expectancy, for example, that John Locke will actually stay dead. Everyone knows you have to stake the heart, cut off the head and stuff the mouth with garlic, then put the head and body in separate boxes and throw both boxes into a fast moving river. Wait, maybe that's vampires I'm thinking of...ah well, it never hurts to be safe.

As you can tell, I don't exactly take the Lost mythos very seriously. It's rediculously overblown and hopelessly overcomplicated. There are plenty of laughable aspects of the show, namely the terrible actors who fill out the ranks of The Others and the Dharma Initiative, the cheezy effects, and the seemingly unlimited supply of nameless extras among the survivors despite the fact that there was only a finite number of passengers on the plane to begin with and a good third of those died in the very first episode. Yet week after week I keep watching, hoping to get answers to those questions that plague me: what's with the four-toed statue? Why was there a polar bear? And why the fuck did they have to bring time travel into it? Also, do they ever plan on bringing on more former hobbits as cast members?

If you've never seen Lost, I urge you to at least check it out. It's one of the few reasons I still watch TV. Support A Lost Cause. And bow down to the genius of Damon Lindelof and J. J. Abrams while you're at it.

Decisions

2009-03-22T13:08:00.000-07:00

This will be the last post related to my personal life for a while, I promise. I never intended to contribute only emo-style whining to this blog - if I wanted to do that, I would have just made a Livejournal account. However, the last several weeks of this semester have been fairly tumultous for me. I've been doing a lot of thinking. That's probably something I should do a little less of, to be honest.

Thankfully, all this thinking has finally led somewhere. All the frustration, confusion, and negative feelings that had been building up finally broke through the levees. The catalyst for this was that assembly project. I spent an entire week basically doing nothing but work on that project, and I still didn't have something that worked 100% to turn in at the end. I think that I may have never felt more miserable or self-loathing than I did Friday, when I spent literally the entire day in front of my computer while everyone else was packing up to go home and enjoying the fact that they were now on spring break.

It was then that I came to a realization - I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pretending that computer science is what I want to do, and I can't keep pretending that I'm actually happy here. Every semester I've been at UMBC I've been coming closer and closer to all-out depression. The stress, I fear, is literally killing me - my diet has just gotten progressively worse, I don't even exercise at all anymore. I have no real motivation to any work because it all seems like bullshit. My friends, my fraternity - these things don't validate my existence at UMBC, they only serve to distract me from it. The last two years of my life haven't really made me any better or happier. I have to come out and say it - UMBC is a fucking terrible school.

Now that I could admit that to myself, the question became what do I want to do? For once, it was actually my dad who had the answer I sought. It was he who suggested that perhaps a communications major might be the right area for me. It's an area that I never really considered because it's so general and kind of vague. But now I see that's the beauty of it. A degree in communications combined with perhaps a minor in comp sci could lead to all sorts of things: creative writing, journalism, advertising, marketing, public relations, media production...all things that I would much rather do than be a programmer.

Okay, so obviously even if I liked UMBC it would not be the place to do communications. The school has an MCS program but I'm sure like anything that's not bio, engineering, or comp sci it's a joke. So where should I go? Once again my dad surprised me by finding the absolute perfect school for me. It's the University of Arts in Philadelphia, a school I'd never really heard of...but just look at their website: www.uarts.edu

Their communications program is especially ballin...it's pretty much exactly the kind of thing I should be doing. And there are no bullshit Gen Ed requirements either. The only downside I can see is the price tag. I simply can't afford to go there.

So now I'm faced with some pretty major questions. Do I risk it and go for the big prize in Philadelphia? Or should I think more realistically and perhaps go to Towson, which I've heard has at least a decent mass communications program? Should I go another year at UMBC and try out the MCS major here, or should I just leave after this semester? Do I finish up at least a minor in computer science or just say screw it? A lot of questions, a lot of answers...the only thing I do know is that I can't rush into any decision. But I do have a semblance of a plan.

I'm open to suggestions. Where do I go from here?

On Writing, Career Choices, and the Future of the IT Industry

2009-03-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

There was a time, I think, when I had a vision of my life that was clear and immutable...the elegance of its simplicity speaks to a certain way of thinking that we lose as we get older. The mind of my childhood self saw only one path for the future. I think I always wanted to be a writer.

To fill pages with my ideas, and for others to be filled by these ideas, and make them their own, seemed to me the most rewarding a career there could be. I've written poems, short stories, screenplays, essays, and countless fragments of novels that now clutter the hard drive of my computer. But it seems the better my writing style becomes, the more difficult it is for me to actually come up with ideas. The only thing I've written lately (besides this blog of course) has been poetry...I can no longer summon the commitment to create anything more substantial. But now that I'm writing on this blog, to which I owe Colin a great deal for convincing me to contribute to, I can sense that old feeling creeping up in me again. It is that feeling that would compel me to spend great amounts of time staring at a screen, letting something that formerly existed only as freeform thought take shape with structure and purpose.

Now I find myself in a far different place. I never would have predicted that I would choose to major in computer science. At what point did I ever really express an interest in this stuff? I don't know, yet here I am. The conflict I seem to be embroiled in - that is, to resolve other people's image of me as the analytical, rational, mathematical type with my internal image of myself as an artist and a creative thinker - from whence does it stem? Do I seek other people's approval too much? I don't think so...honestly I think it just comes down to the fact I like money too much to ever make writing a full-time occupation. I wish I was joking, but honestly the whole starving artist thing is incongruent with my plan for myself. I want a career, not just a hobby.

The question that I have to ask myself then is this: can I really hope to be successful in such a demanding industry when I know it's not 100% what I want to do? Unfortunately, because of my desire to actually have some semblance of a social life, I can't compete with the super-nerds. You know the ones I mean. These are the guys who live and breathe this stuff, the wannabe hackers, the ones who know computers inside and out. They know the subject matter better than I probably ever will, and that's simple truth. I apologize to anyone who may take offense at these statements, but I have to be honest and say that a great deal of the people in my computer science classes match the stereotype spot-on.

So why am I seemingly wasting my time with a major that I'm not sure is for me? The answer is that I believe that the industry is changing, or at least going to change. Computers are becoming advanced enough, or will at least reach the point eventually, that a new type of professional will become necessary. The days of row after row of cubicles filled with mindless code monkeys will vanish, if it hasn't already. The industry will need people with creative minds, who can relate to other people and are not intimidated by human contact, because the focus will no longer be on how to make computers do what we want but rather on what exactly we should be doing with them. I feel that although technology continually improves, innovation has plateaued somewhat. The Internet has created a whole generation of moronic, meme-driven pop culture addicts whose communication skills (especially written) are swiftly going down the toilet.

I wish to stand out from this generation. I wish to change the way we use computers, that the next generation won't be even more cynical and detached than my own. I'd like to at this point recommend that everyone listen to the song "Fear of a Blank Planet" by Porcupine Tree as it pretty much follows my point exactly. We need to cultivate the Internet into a place that favors intelligent people...someone once described television as a "vast wasteland" but I think this description is far more applicable to the Intarwebs. Also, can we please get rid of LOLCats once and for all?

I think I sound really pretentious and condescending right now, but I also think this was something that I needed to tell myself. Ever since I dropped my CMSC 341 class I've been plagued with frustration and self-doubt as to whether I'm in the right major. I literally had the revelation above as I was typing it, and now that I read it I am filled with a renewed confidence. I have criticized myself before for lacking ambition and motivation, and for thinking too small. So I'm going to adjust my career aims somewhat; after all, it's better to aim too high, right? I'm no longer going to focus solely on becoming a game designer (an idea that I've been having second thoughts about recently). Instead, my overall goal now is to someday revitalize the IT industry for the betterment of all society. That sounds a lot more respectable than saying I just want to make video games, doesn't it?

Is it likely that I'll ever rise to such a monumental challenge? Probably not. But at least now I feel like I have a reason to stick with computer science other than the meager promise of a boring but high-paying job sitting in a cubicle that I'll never escape from.

I'll probably keep writing as well.

So I Had an Adventure

2009-03-04T16:29:00.000-08:00

Yes, my friends, it was indeed an adventure. This was the sort of adventure which demands that it be chronicled in writing, perhaps on some sort of internet blog. Conveniently enough, I happen to have an internet blog. I shall proceed to regale you with the tale of my exploits and misadventures.

You shall notice in my last entry that I mentioned I would be going on a trip to California for a certain festival with an incredibly stupid name. If you are just tuning in here, that name was Jewlicious...and I have to say that the name has not grown on me at all. It is at least a better name than, say, "Jewapalooza" or even "Jewstock." It was held at the JCC in Long Beach, California this past weekend, and in no way did it match my expectations concerning the events that would transpire.

Right off the bat, I was slightly crestfallen by what awaited me. My assumption was that although we were staying at the JCC, the actual event would take place somewhere else, namely on a beach...perhaps Long Beach. Apparently it was rather presumptous of me to expect that I would get to go to the beach while staying in a town whose very name contains the word "beach." In fact, I was informed, upon asking what sights I should see, that there was absolutely nothing to do in Long Beach and that I was wasting my time trying to go the beach because it was too far away. Needless to say, they - meaning the staff of Jewlicious - did not want us to leave that JCC.

This directly contradicted my image of a festival on the beach, with tents set up, people walking around mingling and carrying on and generally having a good old-fashioned time. Therefore, I would posit that Jewlicious should not be referred to as a "festival" but rather a "convention." A festival implies a very freeform, laid-back affair with people generally hanging out while listening to some bands perform. This was a very structured environment, and I am not a huge fan of structure. I don't need itineraries or schedules.

My other complaint about Jewlicious was the Orthodox nature of the event. I knew that we would most likely be sleeping on a gym floor, and I was correct. I did not anticipate that we would be segregated by gender, which was a problem for me since my only companions on this trip were two girls. Now, many would probably point out that this should be an obvious restriction to expect, but such was not the case on my Birthright trip, for example. When we stayed with the Bedouins we were all together in one tent - there was no Men's tent and Women's tent - and I simply thought it would be like that here. The Orthodox factor also explains why we were so discouraged from leaving the JCC; Orthodox Jews are not allowed to drive or even ride in a car on the Sabbath, so the Jewlicious staff were not about to provide transportation to go somewhere else.

I realize that I began with a rant, but with that out of the way, I can move on to the good points. The event was a lot of fun. Granted, I skipped almost all of the programs - workshops, screenings, discussions, etc. - because...well I simply didn't give a shit about talking about Judaism. I was just there to have a good time, and so that's what I did. I met a group of Russian Jews from Louisville, Kentucky of all places. They were just good people. I hung out with them at the motel during the day on Saturday until we came back to the JCC for the concert. At one point I walked with two of them to a liquor store, and on the way we encountered some lemon trees whose branches had surpassed the boundary of the fence which enclosed them...we filled a whole sack with lemons because, as I pointed out, these branches were hanging over the street and therefore they were "public lemons."

The concert was a blast...I got sufficiently crunk and danced my white-boy ass off. This may come as a surprise to some, but I love to dance...I'd much rather go to a club and bust a move than run laps or something like that. But certainly the highlight of Saturday night for me was after the concert. I will preface the following anecdote by explaining that one of my companions on this trip, whose name I will withhold, is...shall we say, free-spirited. I mean she does what she wants, when she wants, with little pause to consider the consequences. And so she found nothing at all wrong with approaching the cop working security at the JCC at 4 am and loudly inquiring, "Can I hold your baton?"

So he let her hold his baton...the metal one that is. She threatened to whack everything in sight and in fact proceeded to hit the officer with his own baton, which he only found amusing. At this point she outdid herself by asking the man to put her in handcuffs. We then took compromising pictures and pretended to interrogate her. I'm sure the cop, Officer Taylor, was under the impression that he was going to get some, so he continued to play along with her for well over an hour, until I finally went to bed and left them out there still goofing around.

Sunday afternoon (I skipped Sunday morning) was fairly uneventful. Matisyahu did an acoustic set, which was nice, but I wish he had actually performed in the main concert. There were a lot of vendors set up and I purchased some shirts, including a hoodie with the Jewlicious logo on that I kind of regret buying since it attracted some unwanted looks later on.

This story really gets good Sunday night. Warnings of inclimate weather back home had made their way to us at this point and a tinge of nervousness had settled in as we got a ride back to the airport. Actually, the girl who drove us decided it would be fun to drive around LA looking for "Little Ethiopia," and somehow this involved us driving down the Pacific Coast Highway for about two miles until she realized we were going the wrong way. Actually I didn't really mind this because the PCH is just about the coolest highway I've ever seen...if I could I would just rent a convertible and drive it just for fun.

Anyway, having eaten a satisfying dinner at a small Ethiopian restaurant we arrived at the airport to discover that our 10:13 flight was cancelled. This was an issue. One of my companions immediately began to freak the hell out, insisting that she was going to lose her job because she somehow should have known that there would be a snowstorm and should have planned accordingly. My attempts to calm her down were in vain. So here I am, sitting in an airport with one girl practically in tears and the other laughing at the situation as if it's a big joke. I felt like the luckiest man in the world. Of course it falls to me to handle everything. The airline naturally offered us no assistance in the way of a hotel room, and we had to stand in line for an hour just to have a somewhat belligerent old woman inform us that we had automatically been rebooked for another flight.

Once I managed to get my boiling rage to subside, I set about finding us a room for the night. Since the airline just told me that every hotel in the vicinity of the airport was booked solid, I immediately ignored them and begin calling 411 for the number of the closest Motel 6. They gave me the number of the Motel 6 in Inglewood, because apparently 411 knows as much about LA as I do (which is to say absolutely nothing). A nearby surfer dude (I never got his name so he's just "surfer dude") was quick to warn me that were we to go to Englewood we would be shot on sight. Just to confirm this, he turned to a passing and janitor and asked him, "Yo dude, you think these cats should stay in Englewood?" The janitor took one look at us and replied, "Aww hell no." and then walked away.

I'm becoming visibly frustrated, so Surfer Dude took pity on me and told me to go to the Travelodge in El Segundo down the way. I got the number and talked to the guy at the desk, who said he would send me a shuttle, so he needed to know what I look like. I gave him my description, and then things got wacky. He asked me who was with me, and I told him there were two girls. Then he asked me what the girls were wearing.

"Why do you need to know what the girls are wearing?" I demanded in confusion. "You already know what I look like, where I'll be standing, and you have my cell number."

"Just tell me what they're wearing!" He insisted.

At this point said girls are listening in and beginning to crack up. I was getting annoyed but I went ahead and gave the desk guy their descriptions as well. This is when I realized what they were laughing about. Imagine if you will, some guy calling a cheap motel in the middle of the night and telling them that he's bringing two girls with him; now imagine that guy is me. Then a girl who was sitting nearby asked if she could go with us, so I had to call the motel back and tell the guy that I was now bringing three girls. I'm sure at this point the guy was thinking, "Who the hell is this Justin guy and how can I improve my life to be more like him?"

As we made our way outside to await the shuttle, all three girls were laughing at me. It wasn't until the van pulled up with the name "Justin" taped to the window that I completely lose my shit. I don't know why it was so funny, but the image of me standing there with three girls staring at a van with my name on it still makes me laugh.

Our flight was not until 10:13 Monday night. My friend who was freaking out about her job managed to secure a flight for herself going back at noon; I was relieved at this, because there was no way I could have taken her shit any more. Ironically, Monday was a pretty nice day. My other friend, the girl who had joined us (a cute Persian girl who goes to school in Montreal), and me hung out in El Segundo at the shopping plaza. We ate lunch, visited some cool stores, and made it to the airport with plenty of time to spare.

I've been feeling off for the last few days since I got back. The experience was exhausting, and there are a couple things I chose not to mention here that I'm a bit resentful about. Even so, the adventure was worth the experience. I might not remember what I did there, but I'll definitely remember the people I met. I don't plan on repeating it any time soon though.

Volume Five of "At Least I'm Being Paid to Be Here"

2009-02-22T13:30:00.000-08:00

In stark contrast to the utter chaos which I described last week, the library is all quiet right now. There've been no real issues, no malfunctions, and - much rejoicing - no bio majors. Just the occasional patron to remind of the fact that, yes, I am technically at work. But, ironically enough, I mind myself with much greater opportunity to write here and find myself with far less to write about.

I sense a calm of sorts before the storm. Great things loom on the horizon, and I think they will for the most part be good things. I am definitely excited about the future of my fraternity. We had our induction last night of the Lambda pledge class, which has the potential to be a truly excellent group of guys. I am psyched about where things are going. We got seven guys (eight bids were given but one guy is currently ineligible) and there is even a possibility for a second pledge class of this semester of three or four. They will bring renewed vigor to this chapter, which I felt was in danger of losing its way this semester without the added lifeblood that a successful rush can bring. This rush was definitely a success. Surely this is an indication that our status is on the rise.

I will be in Long Beach, California this next weekend for the Jewlicious festival. I suppose only "Jewapalooza" would be a more rediculous name. I am 80% excited about it and 20% apprehensive. The excitement comes from the fact that I will get to see some truly excellent artists perform, such as Matisyahu, while meeting tons of Jewish college students from all over. The apprehension stems only from the fact that a few of the people I will be going there with are people with whom I usually avoid spending time. But one of my closest friends here is also going, so that balances it out somewhat. Most likely, I will "disappear" for the weekend and find some quality people to hang out with (i.e. girls). My hope is that this trip will restore my shattered faith in the idea that there are Jewish girls worth hanging out with, because God knows UMBC has not helped this cause in any way. At any rate, it's sure to be a blast, and Hillel is paying for over half of it.

Seriously, though, I've been in a mad extended slump as far as relationships or even girls in general go. My single-ness continues to consistently dominate much of my conscious thought, despite telling myself that there are far more important things to worry about now, such as the class which I may or may not be dropping. It seems my college existence thus far in this department has consisted of nothing but mistakes and wasted opportunities. I've accepted the fact that I have no game whatsoever, but my biggest fault is this: investing far too much time traversing paths that lead only in dead ends. Last semester, I spent a great deal of energy getting close to a girl with the thought that something would naturally develop out of it. The whole operation was a complete failure. And yet, here I am, several months later, still spending an inordinate amount of time with her, knowing that nothing is going to come of it, when I could and should be meeting new people. Undoubtedly, she is a great friend, but...well at the risk of sounding like an asshole, I have enough friends - I need something more than that. If anyone has any suggestions as to resolving this nagging issue of mine, please share them. I suppose that such is the life of a college student, though - constantly questioning who you are and what you really want.

As I said, though, I sense things are going to change. I know of course that nothing will change unless I make it so. Unfortunately, being a student at UMBC currently in danger of losing your full ride does not offer you a lot of free time to worry about your personal life. I'm kind of tempted to drop my one class simply to allow myself more opportunity to do so. Although as my dad repeatedly reminds me, I'm only at college for one thing - to get an education that will enable a high-paying career. Computer science is starting to look like a less inviting prospect with each class I take, but it's not enough to do something you're good at; you have to do something you're good at that will make you money, hence why I'm not pursuing English or Film. I can see that the optimism that was present at the start of this post has seemingly begun to dwindle, but I assure you that I am not unhappy, just somewhat confused and far too pensive for my own good.

I guess that's what happens when you work at a job with access to a computer and nothing to do.

My mind is about to explode from this story.

2009-02-15T15:38:00.000-08:00

O.K. Now i havent ranted in awhile for a couple simple reasons:
One, i was looking for a job. Two, i couldn't find something that really pissed me off, and i don't mean mildly pissed off. I mean, this is something so stupid, my head will explode.

But i'm glad to tell you today, that the streak has been broken and something has brought me to that point.

From the Associated Press updated 8:56 p.m. ET, Wed., Feb. 11, 2009
"WILKES-BARRE, Pa. - For years, the juvenile court system in Wilkes-Barre operated like a conveyor belt: Youngsters were brought before judges without a lawyer, given hearings that lasted only a minute or two, and then sent off to juvenile prison for months for minor offenses. The explanation, prosecutors say, was corruption on the bench."

Apparently these judges had shut down the county-run jail in 2003 and started sending juveniles to privately-run institutions for a nice little cut of the profits. According to prosecutors, the two judges took kickback in excess of $2.6 million in exchange for re-routing people to these day-jails.

Most of these "offenses" were kids being locked up for months for stealing loose change from cars, writing a prank note and possessing drug paraphernalia. Many had never been in trouble before. Some were imprisoned even after probation officers recommended against it.

Public servants taking bribes and giving kids a criminal record for something as stupid as writing a prank note? These offenses should be punished to the full extent of the law. Not only should they be fired, but they should serve the maximum in jail time and be denied bail for abusing the office that the public gave them. They're lucky that we don't live in the Roman Empire, or else some lions would be an entree out of their intestines.

Now if you'll excuse me, i need to go ice my head down or else my house is going to turn into the second coming of Hiroshima.

Till next time...

to see the article this rant refers to: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29142654/?GT1=43001

FRUSTRATION, part IV of "I'm Gradually Beginning to Resent my Job"

2009-02-15T13:46:00.000-08:00

It would be difficult for me to identify a weekend that has been more fraught with frustration. Frustration is a feeling I know all too well. I must admit that I am the type of person who gets easily frustrated, mainly because I normally don't have too much trouble with things. I am fairly successful at whatever I try, but when I fail, I don't take it well. Such is the story of this weekend.

Let us begin the tale on Friday, when I was already well entrenched in the most difficult computer science project I have ever had. For the first time since I've been in college (not counting my ill-advised foray into engineering) I questioned whether I was in the right major. I will briefly explain the details of this project, although it pains me to do so as I've already explained this project upwards of 20 times.

Basically, the project was intended to "brush off our Java programming skills." This is according to my cs 341 teacher, Professor Edelman, who looks and sounds exactly like Stan Lee and who in my opinion should be sentenced to eat all the dicks. We were tasked with programming a "simulation" of trees, fire, and wind (kindly take any Earth, Wind, and Fire jokes and shove them up your ass) in which the user could plant trees, ignite/douse fires, and age the simulation so that trees and fire would grow and spread accordingly. What really elevated this project from a simple little exercise to an experience akin to trepanation were the two arbitrary requirements that were added: the grid had to be infinitely large, able to be resized at any moment, and (0, 0) was to be the center of the grid as opposed to the top left corner (which is where it belongs, as any good programmer knows). This was a colossal pain in the ass. I spent three days toiling away at this project, all the while dealing with a CVS submission system that would constantly go on the fritz, only to turn in a project Friday night that didn't even work. This has never happened to me before. I've always finished my projects close to a week ahead of time, and I've never had to turn in something that didn't work. In fact, I normally get 100/100 on my projects...now I'll be lucky if I get a 70.

Saturday was of course Valentine's Day, aka "Make Men Unhappy Day," and I could make this entire post a rant about that bullshit excuse for a holiday if I wanted. I won't do that, however, as there is nothing really original that can be said in regards to anti-Valentine's Day sentiments. I will simply say that I was bored off my ass because there was no one around to hang out with, and still pretty upset over the fiasco with my project. The fact that every moment was a stinging reminder of how depressingly single I am only compounded my pessimism.

And now here I am, Sunday afternoon, experiencing the single most frustrating day of work ever. It's bad enough that the place is unusually busy for a Sunday, but in addition to the omnipresent stream of obnoxious bio majors coming in to watch lecture DVDs, I must contend with a series of malfunctions in the electronics that seemingly waited until my shift to crop up. One of the TV players is effectively useless because the S-Video cable connecting it to the DVD player is fucked. Another DVD player refuses to accept the fact that its sole purpose in life is to play DVDs and simply reads "No Disc." A number of headphones and bio DVDs are apparently not working as well, but as I am the only person on the desk I cannot take the time to test them to determine if the problem simply is a result of the fact that bitches are dumb (as is usually the case). Hell, even the fucking receipts are on the fritz. Every time I sit down I have to jump again to deal with another issue or another bio major. Seriously, bio majors - leave me the fuck alone! Why do you guys all need to watch these DVDs at the same time? Didn't you take any notes during the lecture? Did you guys even go to the damn lectures?!

I've basically gotten out of the habit of writing rants like this one because the typical response to them is either "Stop whining" or "Why don't you try crying about it?" But I'd like to think these circumstances warranted a healthy bout of bitching. I will thusly close with the following: Fuck My Life.

Volume Three of "This is Being a Valuable Contribution to the Workforce?"

2009-02-08T13:52:00.000-08:00

New Jersey, I spit on your name and curse your children to wander the earth as shiftless scum and dejected rejects of New York. Your convoluted transportation system and utter refusal to post helpful highway signs directly caused me to be late for work! And you know quite well I love me some sitting around on my ass getting paid to do nothing. Should anything interfere with my ability do so...well - shit alright that's enough sarcasm.

Never mind. No it's not.

So I was informed by not one but two different sources this weekend that Rutgers University in New Brunswick is host to its own unique strain of STD native only to that campus. I cannot of course validate the veracity of this claim but the simple fact that it was deemed necessary to tell me this is rather telling. The people there are backwards and frightening, highly defensive of their industrial wasteheap of a state and yet unable to think of any "nice" parts of Jersey to recommend to the unfortunate tourist.

In all honesty, I don't really hate New Jersey; Wildwood will always be superior to Ocean City as far as I'm concerned. I remember well the bike trips of my youth, when my dad, my older brother, and I would park the car in Ocean City, MD and pedal to Wildwood, NJ. We would stay in the cheapest trashiest motel we could find, since nice ones rarely let you keep bicycles in the room. We would spend the evening hanging out on the beach and walking the boardwalk, then the next day we would ride to Atlantic City, and then all the way back to MD in the same day. The boardwalk in Wildwood is much longer than the one in Ocean City and it holds much nostalgic value to me. I'll never forget the obnoxious "Watch the Tramcar, please!" voice. I was joking about it last night with a Rutgers girl who was telling me her friend was once run over by the Tramcar; to this I could only respond, "That's embarassing."

I remember the Lewes - Cape May ferry. I remember the giant elephant in Ocean City, NJ. I remember the little beach towns of the Jersey Shore. I remember how the coastal highway is so flat but somehow you're always riding into the wind. I remember the good times I've had in New Jersey.

This weekend was another one of those good times. Chapters from all over the Mid-Atlantic region gathered at Rutgers for the AEPi Conclave. According to the dictionary, the Conclave is the private meeting where the new Pope is elected. I was really psyched that a bunch of Jewish guys would get to pick the new leader of the Catholic church even though I hadn't heard anything about Pope Palpatine being dead. I was disappointed to find that this was not the case, but I had a good time nonetheless. I thoroughly enjoyed building the bonds of brotherhood, doing shots with a rabbi at the Chabad house, and talking with Rutgers girls in front of the sandwich trailer while cruising the streets trying to find something to do. Conclave is like mini-Convention, and all you need to know about Convention is that it's in Las Vegas this summer.

So anyway I had a good time. But I also have no intent to go back there any time soon. I mean, come on, it's New Jersey. It only exists that we may talk shit about it and its inhabitants. Because those fuzzy memories of childhood adventure are great, but a smug sense of superiority is even better.

The Phelps Injustice.

2009-02-07T09:10:00.000-08:00

OK, i've been away for various reasons (visiting relatives, trying to find a "real" job among them) but now i'm back with a fucking vengence. Considering on whether or not you watch T.V., use the internet or listen to the radio (radio? what's that?) you might not have heard that Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps was suspended by USA Swimming for the alleged use of marijuana for three months.

Michael Phelps hitting the bong pipe, OMG!

In their statement, USA Swimming admitted that Phelps did not violate the anti-doping law, but they were sending "a strong message to Michael because he disappointed so many people, particularly the hundreds of thousands of USA Swimming member kids who look up to him as a role model and a hero."

Why? So he smoked the reefer, who gives a shit?

He's an athelete and let's be honest, swimming is only popular when it's on the international stage. Right now, Phelps is in his off-season, and should be allowed to enjoy some down time. He didn't toke up during competition and so his suspension is just a sideshow to drum up press by local law enforcement and US Swimming, and to be fair, anybody who hands down a suspension should be free of all prescription meds and alcohol or else they are a hypocrite (Alcohol and prescription meds are more susceptible to addiction than marijuana.)

Not only that, but Kellogg's, the cereal giant, have pulled off being a sponsor for Phelps alleging that his behavior is "not consistent with Kellogg's image."

Funny, seeing as that the bulk of your sales is with potheads and you've got a talking tiger as one of your spokespeople (and if that isn't a sign of a drug-induced delusion, i don't know what is) you're really not allowed to worry that a 9 gold medal-winning Olympian smoking pot is going to harm your image.

So the media needs to wake the hell up, because if that's the only thing you can nail on Phelps, you're wasting time.

Maybe if you wait a few more weeks, players at the Pro-Bowl will test positive for cocaine, heroin and steroids. Until then, do your damn job and research a real news story.

Now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to watch Hugh Laurie poke fun at medical interns, cause i can't get any real news on my T.V.

Till next time.........

Link to article http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/9186634/USA-Swimming-suspends-Phelps-for-3-months?MSNHPHMA

Another Installment of "Why The Hell Am I at Work?"

2009-02-01T12:40:00.000-08:00

Welcome back as I again chronicle my frustration with working a customer service job on a day when there are absolutely no customers to service. It's Superbowl Sunday, and I will be sitting at this desk right up until the start of the big game. Admittedly, I don't particulary give a shit about the competition itself. It would be nice to see the Steelers lose, but I can't really see that happening. What I do care about are the festivities involved in watching this game, which primarily involve drinking beer, eating gratuitous amounts of nachos, commenting on commercials, pretending to care about the score, and inadvertantly missing the half-time show because I'm in the bathroom due to all the aforementioned nachos.

Yes, I enjoy nachos, but what I will enjoy perhaps even more tonight is watching the game with
the students from Odessa, Ukraine who have inexplicably chosen UMBC to be their first experience of the United States. Let me just go on the record as saying that I have yet to meet an unattractive girl from the Ukraine. Seriously...I don't know if there's something in the water there, but these girls are rediculous, and quite friendly as well. That's an excellent combination, and it's practically guaranteed that they will care even less about the Superbowl than I will, meaning plenty of opportunity to engage in "rational discourse," if you know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, I am of course referring to my embarassing attempts to hook up with and the ensuing humiliating rejections from girls who barely speak English. Good times.

Perhaps it is fairly silly to think I have a chance with any of these girls; it probably stems from my imagining that the Odessa students' trip to America operates in much the same fashion as my Birthright trip to Israel did - a complete and utter abandonment of propriety and good judgement. I'd be hard-pressed to identify someone from my trip who didn't get any action at all. Anyways, my wishful thinking leads me to hope that the Ukrainian girls will be as eager to meet American guys as the American girls were to meet Israeli guys. This hope will ultimately culminate in disappointment, much like my hope that the Steelers will be crushed and humiliated by a team I know literally nothing about.

Even so, I will vainly root for the Cardinals (they're called the Cardinals, right?) and vainly lay on my fairly limited charm, because finding a reason to have a good time despite the fact that you couldn't possibly care less about football is what Superbowl Sunday is all about. So to everyone reading this, I hope you find your own excuse to eat, drink, and be merry.

Back to School

2009-01-25T12:57:00.000-08:00

So I'm currently typing this on a computer behind the UMBC Library Media desk because I'm supposed to be working. Of course, there is no one else here and basically nothing to do. Why I was scheduled to work for three hours on the day everyone moves back in, I can't possibly fathom. I'm reasonably certain the managers pulled this shit on purpose; none of them are even here.

However, I'm not going to be resentful about it. Instead, I'm going to update this blog out of necessity, to prevent myself from setting a fire out of sheer boredom. There is a great deal of flammable material here. Perhaps I will make a bonfire out of all the terrible movies - I bet Gigli would go up like a torch since I'm fairly certain shit burns quite easily. But I digress...

In honor of being back at school, I shall compose a lengthy diatribe about my particular school, University of Maryland, Baltimore County aka U Must Be Chinese aka U Made a Bad Choice. Well, I don't think I made a bad choice, and it's not really mandatory to be Asian (though it certainly helps). To be honest, the fact that I'm being paid to go here means I can't really complain. But I'm going to do so anyway, because it's unneccesarily hot in this library.

If I had to invent my own acronym for this school, it would be University of Maryland's Boring College. Not a particularly witty one, I'll admit, but really this is my main complaint about the school (other than the administration, which I assure you I will get to). The quality of the education is certainly worth the quite reasonable amount of money you spend on it (assuming you're not one of the 73% of people who do receive financial aid of some kind). The degree is a fairly respected one, particularly for a public university. The housing, compared to some of the other schools I've visited (I've actually spent the night in a dorm at Shepard and at College Park, so I do have some basis for comparison) is fantastic.

So I've listed some of the positive aspects. Now the bad. This school is boring. Now, I assure you you will spend a lot of time studying and doing homework, but you will also have free time. Free time that you will at times struggle to fill. On weekends this campus turns into a fucking ghost town. It's improved somewhat since last year, but that's not saying a whole lot.

Granted, if you have a good group of friends to hang out with, you will still find ways to occupy yourself. And boredom is something that everyone must contend with; it's not like other universities offer daily carnivals and magical unicorn rides. But at UMBC there's this insurmountable feeling of total apathy towards socializing that permeates much of the student body. Maybe it's because such a large percentage of the students are commuters, or maybe it's because so many have simply resigned themselves to the idea that there' s nothing to do here.

I'm not going to get started about the "typical college experience," because I have yet to have a single person I know tell me with a straight face that they have the "typical college experience." The notion that there is such a thing is complete bullshit. Or maybe being so bored that you start Stumbling sites you've already seen a dozen times is the typical college experience. Maybe the idea that college is supposed to be the wildest, most fun social experience of your life is a myth that needs to be dispelled forcefully so that it doesn't continue to set expectations that can never be met. Either way, I can't see another college (excluding community colleges) having a worse social scene than this one. Also, I guess I lied - I totally got started about the "typical college experience." Whatever.

The other problem that plagues the students here is the administration. If you go on UMBC Underground, a site where students post stories and discuss them, you will almost immediately notice that the only thing anyone seems to do there is bitch about the administration. The President of this university, Freeman Hrabowski, has a reputation as being a brilliant and charismatic leader. Unfortunately, a fantastic leader isn't worth much if the people who work for him are functionally retarded. How many other schools take over a month to post final grades when the teachers have to submit them only a few days after the end of the semester? How many other schools replace a barely competent food service with a barely competent food service that charges significantly more for marginally better food? How many schools turn down a rediculous sum of money from the Ravens to build a training camp here, money that can go to fix the abysmal parking situation and the severe housing shortage? The administration here proves itself to be frightfully incompetent time and time again. My younger brother, whose transcript is even more impressive than mine, has still not even received an acceptance letter, only a short note essentially explaining "we have more people applying this year and we don't know how to handle it."

Despite all this, I'm not overall unsatisfied with the school. It's because there are many things that are good that causes the glaring flaws to be even more glaring. But I will go on record right now as saying that if I do end up losing my scholarship (which I am perilously close to doing), I will seriously consider transferring to a school where "campus life" is almost an oxymoron.

Inauguration Day starring Barack Obama

2009-01-20T04:55:00.000-08:00

Well it's inauguration day, the day in which Barack Obama ascends the steps of the Capitol Building and takes the oath to become the nation's 44th president. An historic day indeed.

and i couldn't care less.

and let's be honest here, you wouldn't either if Barack hadn't won. nobody would have given two shits about the Inauguration, they just would have just gone on with their day like it was normal. Only the die-hard politicos and the networks would have cared because that's how they get paid, but this time, it's like Jesus himself has decended from the heavens and said "D.C.'s where the party's at!" People are crawling out of the woodwork to see this, hotels have been booked for months, people are actually renting rooms in their homes out to cash in on this inauguration craze.

What's the difference?

What is so god-damned special about this inauguration than any other?
One of the things I liked about Obama was that he didn't want people to vote for him because he was black, he actually wanted people to listen to his policies, his record, to what he could do to better the country. This i respected immensely, it was similar to Kennedy stating "I am not the Catholic canidate for President, I am the Democratic canidate for President!" in 1960. But as soon as he got elected, all of that went out the damn window, people were
screaming things like "the day the America changed forever" or "most historic inauguration of all time" and their reasoning?

The man elected has a higher melanin content than all the other canidates involved, ring-a-ding-ding. But, Obama and his team did nothing to assuage this. Such hypocrisy on their part (But hey, that's politics.)

People claim that this inauguration will be historic, if you can quote me a line from his inauguration speech without looking it up on google in a week, then i might agree with you. But I'm betting it's gonna run the same as every other fucking inauguration has for the last 220 years.

Now if you'll excuse me, i got a 12-hour marathon of "Iron Chef" to watch, whilst i exercise my right not to care.

till next time....

and just so you know, i voted Obama, so this isn't cause i'm a sore loser.

What's Wrong with TV?

2009-01-18T12:00:00.000-08:00

You may be thinking based on the title that I'm going to rant about how TV today is a barren wasteland devoid of anything remotely worth watching. Well, that's true, but guess what - you're wrong...asshole.

No, my rant is going to be almost the complete opposite of that. You see, there's a trend I've noticed among certain people, many with whom I hang out with or otherwise associate with, people who would likely profess to being "intellectual" - a category I would normally include myself in but for the sake of observation will separate myself from for the purpose of this post. I've noticed that such people, in the event that someone begins to discuss a particular television show they happen to have enjoyed recently, will immediately proclaim quite loudly and condescendingly that they "don't watch TV." It is then implied that they are "above" watching TV because it is a pastime reserved solely for the stupid, unwashed masses, not refined individuals like themselves who have much better things to do, like watch clips of people hurting themselves on the Internet.

These may be the same people who insist on making sure everyone knows that they refuse to watch the Superbowl come time of the big game, or even worse, watch it "ironically" and constantly mock it while lamenting the time they are (willingly) wasting. Either way, the mentality is the same. Now, I don't inherently have a problem with the fact that some people just don't watch TV. But, at the same time, I have a personal theory: I think that it is these people who refuse to watch TV because there is nothing on but garbage who at least partially contribute to this assumption being true.

As anyone who does watch enough TV has observed, all the good shows - the ones that actually are witty, original, and have decent writing - invariably get canceled. We're still feeling the fallout from angry fans (such as myself) of Arrested Development. Now the amazing Pushing Daisies is suffering the same fate. There are countless other examples of brilliant shows getting shitcanned. There was a show, I can't even remember how many years ago, called The Knights of Prosperity about a janitor who, along with a team of other weirdos working out of a Jewish supply warehouse, concocts a harebrained scheme to rob Mick Jagger. I thought it was fantastic, and I don't recall if it even made it one season. I'm sure anyone reading this can think of their own personal examples.

The reason that these shows get canceled, even when they are actually award-winning shows like Arrested Development and Pushing Daisies is simply low ratings. There just aren't enough people watching. And here's where my theory comes into play. The reason the ratings are low is that the majority of people watching just don't understand these shows. There are no obnoxious laugh tracks to tell them that what they are watching is indeed humorous. These shows are better appreciated by more intelligent people, or people with a more unusual or unorthodox sense of humor. The people I was complaining about before tend to fall into both of these categories. Unfortunately, they'll never watch these shows because they simply assume that there is nothing good on TV to watch. If they were to instead discard their preconceived notions and actually give television a chance, the shows I love might actually stand a chance. And they would discover that even some shows that are popular are quite good, such as 30 Rock, The Office, and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

So even though there are a myriad of other factors affecting whether a show lives or dies, I'm going to personally heap all the blame for my favorite shows getting the axe on the people who refuse to watch TV and in fact, take pride in that fact. Thus, I'm going to close with a suggestion that basically goes against everything we've been told in school: put down the damn book for once and turn on the television.

The Wii- the special ed of the next-gen systems.

2009-01-16T18:10:00.000-08:00

Ok, now i know this will piss some major Nintendo fans off, but it needs to be said. The Wii sucks. It sucks hard. The Wii really is just a GameCube with motion-control capability, woo-fucking-hoo, and though it's massive flaws are plainly obvious to the masses, it's still harder to find than Osama bin Laden (yes, i went there.)

The Wii first came out in America on November 19th, 2006. Now it's January, 2009, and i still can't find one, and let me be frank, i don't want one. The Wii still has the problem the GameCube had, it's games seem like they're made for the toddler demographic. The GameCube's death knell came when most of the gaming society realized that, aside from the endlessly recycled "Big Three" (Mario, Metroid, & Zelda) Nintendo was putting out shitty third-party garbage like "Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg" or "Spyro."

Finally, when Nintendo saw that their sales had plummeted against Microsoft and Sony, they began releasing games that succeeded on other platforms like "Metal Gear Solid", "Resident Evil" and "Prince of Persia", but they did it so sporadically that the system was dropped to $30.00 in most retail stores across America thus making the GameGube, the giant puple paperweight we all knew it was. You think after one colossal failure like that, Nintendo would never commit such a flagrant error like that again, right?

Right? Wrong. So, so, so wrong.

Not only does the Wii still have a lineup that looks like "Hello, Kitty" vomited all over it, it's online store system is almost solely dedicated to rehashing all of it, Sega's, and TurboGrafx's libraries for a much lower rate. This is moronic, if I want to play the old games, i'll go to a thrift store and pick up the system and all of it's games for the cost of a GameCube (i probably could!) and they edit their games! For instance, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, certain symbols on items were deemed referencing Muslim religions and were removed.

Above: Right is the original N64 version, and left is the edited for GameCube and Wii versions.

Probably the most irritating thing about the Wii is the WiiFit. This is pure stupidity, play a game about EXERCISING? Anybody else see the idiocy in paying $90+ for doing something you can do for free?!? This is the kind of stuff that makes me want to light Shigeru Miyamoto on fire, but that's illegal so i won't, but i won't be a part of this plot against the gaming community.

So if you'll excusing me, i need to break out the NES toploader and play a rousing game of "Super Mario 3" then go out for a run.

A workout for my lungs (blowing on the cartridge and running) $0.

Sticking it to morons swindling my fellow gamers out of money: Priceless.

Some things you can't buy, intelligence happens to be one of them.

Till next time....

On the Inconsistencies of Being a Nerd and a "Fratboy"

2009-01-15T10:22:00.000-08:00

I imagine that a number of people with whom I went to high school would find a great deal of amusement in the fact that I decided to join a fraternity. And yes, it is a "real" fraternity - or at least as "real" as a fraternity can be at UMBC (expect an impetuous post on my school fairly soon). I'm here to discuss the contradictions inherent in being in a fraternity at a school where a great many people would be content to spend their Friday nights playing Super Smash Brothers rather than engage in "more traditional" college activities.

There is no question in my mind as to whether I am still a nerd, only as to how devoted I still am to the cause. Don't get me wrong, I still play a great deal of D&D, Magic, and obscure board games I've never even heard of. However, my enthusiasm for these pursuits has been tempered somewhat by a desire to actually socialize with people not in my immediate circle of friends. Nerd clusters (as I will call them) by nature have a fairly isolationist policy when it comes to interacting with other groups. However, because I did not immediately become part of a tight-knit group in my first semester (mainly because I did not live in a traditional dorm setting) I was forced to go out and find people to hang out with. Hence, my falling in with the brothers of my chapter.

It's interesting how Greek life has gone from commanding a lot of respect on college campus to being openly mocked and scorned by many circles, nerds maybe foremost among them. But in the same way that I'd like to say I subvert the stereotype of a nerd I also subvert the stereotypical "frat guy" image: namely, in that I only drink non-shitty beer and don't take advantage of drunk bitches. Of course, after half the girls' lacrosse team practically trashed my suite freshman year (more on that in another post), I guess my resistance to the "charms" of drunk blondes has only increased. Plus, Indian girls seem to like me better anyway ;)

So let's run down the ways that my fraternity does conform to certain ideals. Do we drink? Yes. Do we party? Yes. But as a brotherhood that espouses strong Jewish values, we're all nice young men. We're mensches through and through. There's no hazing, no blatant violations of risk management, and none of our parties have ended with someone yelling "Cops!"

And most of all, my brothers don't take advantage of girls. Because when it comes down to it, my fraternity is somewhat nerdy itself. Almost all of the brothers wear glasses. At least one is an avid comic book collector. We all play a shit ton of video games. Our current master is a big fan of Mario Kart. Our past master, who graduated last year, has a full ride to Cambridge getting his Phd in Physics. So yes...we've got our fair share of nerd. And one thing that unites nerds (guy nerds that is) is a healthy respect (maybe fear for some) of women. You see, one of the reasons (not the only reason) i joined a fraternity is to improve my social interactions, namely with girls. Well, I'd like to think my skills in that area have improved, but what I've really gained is confidence that I can be a nerd and still actively socialize with non-nerds.

My point here is that the inconsistencies I'm talking about here are not inconsistencies stemming from opposing behaviors or conflicting philosophies resulting from being a nerd and a member of a fraternity. These are inconsistencies in people's image of the two. Because as I've learned, the two can coexist peacefully - I'm proof of that.

A New Challenger Approaches!

2009-01-14T20:19:00.000-08:00

Attention everyone: this blog has now transformed into a tag team of scathing wit and sheer awesome. I, Justin Marcus Eisenstadt, aka "Pinto", aka Goodworthington, aka Giussepe Archimbaldo, will now be a contributor here.

Expect self-indulgent posts henceforth on topics such as video games, music, writing, and breakfast cereals along with profound (read: pretentious) diatribes on nerd life, college life, fraternity life, and...life life.

Hells yeah.

Wal-Mart's "It's A Corporate Life"

2009-01-14T18:10:00.000-08:00

Well. A new year brings the public a slew of new sales and commercials to newspapers, televisions and e-mail inboxs (gots to cover all bases!) One of those was a certain phone company who will remain nameless, but someone needs to tell their spokesman that horn-rimmed glasses are for the lead singer of Weezer or Gordon Freemon. This commercial was celebrating the new sale as a continuation of the Christmas season into the new year.

This made me ill.

The commercialization of this once-sacred holiday has gotten way past out of control and is currently taking a nose-dive into appalling. I walked into a Wal-Mart in early October, took a fateful turn into Lawn & Garden got a faceful of Saint Nick and Jesus. Garlands and ornaments as far as the eye could see, after eying this red-and-green mockery long enough I decided to ask a blue-vested representitive some questions.

The conversation is as follows:

Me: Hey man, how's it going?
Wal-Mart Employee: Can I help you with something?
Me: Yeah, when did these decorations get put up?
WME: About 10 days ago.
Me: The end of September? You've got to be kidding. Why so early?
WME: Well, All stores put them out this early, summer sales end, and we begin Holiday sales. Though that's not the worst of it.
Me: What is?
WME: Well, Wal-Mart has stated that employees aren't allowed to sing or hum Christmas carols due their "religious overtones." I'm still going to though.
Me: So, they won't let you sing in a festive manner cause the songs are slightly referencing religion, but it's perfectly kosher to sell The Nativity scene for $59.99?
WME: Yup, I hate the holidays.

And that boys and girls sums up my thoughts on the matter. Scratch that, I hate what the holiday's becoming. I can't walk into a retail store between the months of September and January without Santa poking his big, fat, ass into my shopping experience!

There's a time and place for X-Mas propaganda, and it's December 1st to December 26th, maybe i'll even give you "Black Friday" but no earlier. Earlier than that and you run the risk of turning it into one of those holidays that have been so cruely exploited that no one celebrates it, like President's Day or Valentine's Day (well, maybe that's cause i have no one...nah.)

So this is a plea to you people, go to your retail chains and ask them to tone it back, ease off this ridiculousness before you become the victim of a trampling, headline reads next day "Man/Woman killed over Tickle-Me Elmo."

Now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to do a pagan ritual consisting of burning the remants of my Christmas tree and dancing about the flames and ripping the lights off my house while listening to anything but Christmas music.

Till next time...

Hard Times for truly dumb people.

2009-01-13T11:07:00.000-08:00

OK. Now this was suppose to be a holiday-themed rant, pissing and moaning about how the season is slowly destroying what little humanity we've have left in society. BUT, I think it's going to have to wait until tomorrow, because the story i just read while flipping through the news is so god damned ridiculous, i had to vent right now.

From the Associated Press 9:44 p.m. ET, Mon., Jan. 12, 2009

"GREENFIELD, Calif. - Police have arrested a Greenfield man for allegedly arranging to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage in exchange for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat."

What. The. Fuck.

Have we gone so mad as a people, have things truly gotten so bad, that we are selling our own just to make ends meet?!? This isn't India in 1890's, it's America in the new millennium!

At first, I thought "Why sell your kid?" Make him or her get a job at Wal-Mart or Denny's! God knows even though we're in a recession, their employee turnover rate is at 83%, so i'm sure they'd love to tap into the early-teen workforce, better having a kid in braces greet you than a man on dialysis. Amongst all the weird facts (100 cases of beer and 7 cases of meat? No wonder he's single.) This guy only made a complaint about selling his kid when he got screwed on his payment!

So, no, it's not the fact that you sold a 14-year old girl into doing who-knows what, selling your own child for $16,000 cause you've hit rock bottom, it's because you didn't get the full amount.

Well I've got news for you, last time I checked, trafficking in humanity is illegal. Not only that, but, it makes you the lowest of the low. The kind of people who get killed in jails these days, cause believe it or not, murderers are at a higher standard than you (not much higher, still higher though.)

A question to this man: What are you going to do when the money runs out? When this story breaks on the "6 O' Clock News" no woman in her right mind is going to pop open her legs and squeeze out a couple of nest-eggs for you, even if you do let them in on the profits.

Now if you'll excuse me, i need to catch a flight to California, a pair o' tweezers, and an arc welder cause i need to weed stupidity like this out of the gene pool.

Till next time...

Link to this story:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28629054/?GT1=43001

Star Wars-The End.

2009-01-12T15:26:00.001-08:00

There are very few memories i have of my childhood, i can remember my first crush, my first time moving to another town and many others. The memory that i recall the most fondly is my brother and i plopped down on the couch and my older sister switching on "Return of The Jedi", though the last in the series, it was the first Star Wars film i saw. I remember Ian (my brother) and I imitating the sounds of lightsaber clashes and laser pistol discharges.

Fast forward a few years later, i went to the theater and saw the re-releases of the trilogy, and was ecstatic. So many things had been updated and still at a relative young age, i found it illuminating. So, naturally, when George Lucas announced that he would be doing a prequel trilogy to the original series, i geeked out just like the rest of the nerd community. I stood in line for eight and a half hours for the midnight release, got there, sat in my chair and prepared for awesome.

Two hours later, i told the theater manager i wanted my money back ($5.50 is a lot when your 12 years old.) I was in a sour mood the entire week. The illusion that original Star Wars had created was shattered to make way for Jar-Jar and his ilk.

The Force, once a mystical energy force that, once someone became aware of it, could unlock the potential of any being was turned into the equivelent of chicken pox with occasional schizophrenia, thus relegating Alec Guiness and Mark Hamill on the level of lepers.

Liam Neeson was one of the only redeeming things about the first movie and they killed him in the last ten minutes. Later on in the series, Ewan McGregor, who i last saw freaking out about babies in Trainspotting, grew some acting chops and passed as the mentor to Uncanny Valley-like robot Hayden Christiansen. Thus this went on for another two years, Christiansen turned to the Dark Side, got his legs lopped off, put on the over-sized Oakland Raiders helmet and became Darth Vader, thus nailing the a lid on the series.

Or so i thought....

THEN George decided that he hadn't shit enough on his once-great series and created The Clone Wars movie. This i did not even dignify by going to see. I saw the series on Cartoon Network and enjoyed it (only other good thing.) This film was a travesty due to the fact that it turned the newest buying group off of Star Wars, thus killing George Lucas' chances at future income.

Look at Rick McCallum before Episode I then look at him after Episode III. George Lucas turned him into a fat bastard in less than three movies. Overeating as a form of relieving stress, look it up, it can happen.

The reason for this rant is, i was watching spike t.v. and lo and behold "Return of The Jedi" was on. Not the circa 1983 version, not the re-make with the ringed explosion of the Death Star (that i didn't mind) it was the version with the shitty alien cop-out of a big band something like Count Basie with tentacles.

It pissed me off something awful. Somebody should have slapped George Lucas for even contemplating re-re-mastering his series when the original was fine as is.

He needs to get a new idea and quick, cause if i see one more lame-ass cop out, i will start a campaign against LucasFilm, boycotting anymore shit having to do with Star Wars.

Now if you'll excuse me, i've got to blow the dust off my tape deck and unfurl my vhs copy of "Return of The Jedi" cause it's time for a trip down memory lane.

Till next time.